So much of improving work-life balance seems to be based around taking control of your external environment, changing what you do in the various areas of your life to find a healthy balance between them. But sometimes, for various reasons, we may not be able to control the external environment, or we may not want to change it. So in our quest for balance, what do we do?The answer then lies in changing the internal environment. Sure, we might not be able to control the external force, but we can control our reaction and attitude towards it.

Basically, through changing how you think about and act towards an activity, task, person, or responsibility in your life, you can also change your perception of this thing/person and its impact on your work-life balance. And in many things, perception can be just as important (if not more so) than reality. An alternate take on this, for those that subscribe to the philosophy of subjective reality, perception is reality, and I am actually just an extension of your mind writing this . . .

Okay, so now how do we apply this to everyday life? One thought I’ve had is an extension of something I’ve found over the past few months. Basically, if I have to do something (whether by choice or direction), I may as well look forward to it, or at the very least, not dread it. This isn’t always easy, I’ll admit. I’m not perfect, and I’ve got tasks sitting on my to-do lists that have been there too long because I’ve been dragging my feet in getting to them. Sometimes its a project where I have a feeling I’m not going to like the step that comes after this one, other times its a phone call and I don’t feel like picking up the phone. But by either trying to make myself look forward to it, or to at least want to look forward to having it done, I can push through it with less resistance than I might face otherwise.

This can also pop up in dealing with people you may not completely get along with, or any variety of situations. Thinking of people can help clarify the issue; you can’t control other people’s actions, and we can’t always control other things in the external environment either. By working on changing our perception of and reactions to these situations, however, we can change how it affects us.

So how do we actually change our internal environment? There are a number of ways, I’ll highlight a few here:

Rewards

Some may consider this a bit of self bribery, but if it gets the results, then why not? Especially early in the process, trying to associate something you don’t like with something you do can be a good way to overcome some negative connotations. If you’re in sales, and want to make sure you get through your ten cold calls in the morning, reward yourself with you’re favourite coffee afterwards. Eventually, if you’re doing this enough, you can come to enjoy the calls in the own right and remove the reward. A way to strengthen this can be if your reward is tied to what you’re trying to do, such as rewarding yourself with new clothes if you’ve lost weight and had to really work at getting to the gym.

Multitask

For those of you who also follow personal productivity, I know, multitasking can be seen as the enemy of productivity. However, let’s look at this another way. Say you don’t want to go for that run, but running is something you’ve committed to. Bring some music. Going to the gym to hit the exercise bike? Bring a book or magazine. Basically, try to combine something you like with something you’re not looking forward to in a non-interfering way. Not necessarily something like if you don’t like work, so you’re going to read a book instead. (Though, if you have a way to do both, that doesn’t involve being a book critic or an editor, I’d be interested to hear it!) A somewhat common item in this can be music. It’s reasonably non-intrusive, can be customized to your tastes, and its portable. These can even work in situations where you’ve got to wait for any period of time.

Choose to look forward to it

This is probably the most difficult, but can even be a goal of sorts in and of itself. This is basically conditioning yourself to look forward to things you don’t want to do. Not in a masochistic way, by forcing yourself to do things you dislike, but by choosing to change your perspective of the thing itself. Don’t like waiting? Find things you like to do so it’s not so bad. Don’t like a specific portion of your job? Find something in that you like to do, focus on that, and try to expand it through the entire task. Once you’re able to consciously change your opinion of something with a reasonable degree of success, things can get much easier.

All of these things can work well in reducing the stresses associated with doing things you may not want to, and this means that instead of being the enemy of a balance, they can instead contribute towards finding a better one.

If you’ve had a situation where changing your perspective helped you get through something that you’d previously had problems with, please share them in the comments.

Cheers,

Adam

PS. I came across an article which partially inspired this one on winyourmind.com. While this is an idea I’ve been formulating for some time, reading Quint’s article helped me solidify a few ideas in my mind, and finally got this one written!